Communication: The Problem and Solution
Communication can be a problem or a solution. Have you ever wondered why you can’t quite accomplish what you started out to achieve? We all wonder why things just don’t work out like we planned.
We walk around racking our brains on why we just can’t quite get it. What is the answer? It is not money, or time or even circumstances.
If you do this one thing really well, you can make money, have freedom and overcome anything life throws at you. Anyone can learn to do this. So what is the biggest problem that can equally be the solution? Communication!
COMMUNICATION: means of connection between people or places, in particular.
If you don’t connect a bridge from one side of a river to the other, you will fall in, right? Same thing goes for communication.
You must built a proper foundation and convey your message clearly to set the stage for arriving at the best outcome.
The first and last rule of communication is: LISTEN. Listen with the intent to truly learn what the other is meaning. Ask clarifying questions to determine truth. Avoid listening or simply waiting to talk.
Listening is about the other person.
Do NOT interrupt. This is very difficult when what they are saying sparks interest. This is the number one thing to avoid when responding to what you just heard: Don’t one-up or diminish their story by telling your own. All too often we think we are relating to someone by sharing our experience when really we steal the stage.
Here is some great info on listening with best selling author and speaker: Brian Tracy.
If you are trying to encourage someone, a simple, “Tell me more” or “That is great” or even “I’m sorry to hear this is happening” is way more genuine than “I understand as I’ve gone through the same thing.”
If you want to relate you can say, “Although I’ve been through something that feels similar, I won’t tell you I fully understand, because I am not in your shoes.” This keeps the focus on them and makes them feel truly heard.
Have you ever heard someone tell you a passionate story and after you speak, they get real quiet? Most often, this is because you started talking about yourself. Ask them open ended questions such as, “How did this make you feel” or “Was this your first experience like this?”
Your prompt to tell your story is after they ask you a question. If you continue being authentic and genuinely interested in others, they will soon ask you a question. This balances out the conversation and begins building the bridge. Think of it as if you are both trying to cross the river. Without each other, you won’t get to the other side.
We all carry wounds from the past or opinions of ourselves that are dragged into conversation. Don’t be afraid to truly learn what the other person is saying without filtering it through your own formula.
BE CURIOUS. If you feel like being defensive, ask more questions, and remember: You need them to cross the river.
Take a team approach to communication and develop a spirit of wanting the other person to win. It is not a competition, so who cares who wins. Because we all compete to feel good about ourselves, we will innately compete. So, let them “win.”
You can choose to make communication the problem or the solution. Listen first and be curious.
To learn more, communicate better and get things accomplished, send me a message.
I’ve transformed my life through good communication, and I’d like to see this for you too.
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PS. Be open and don’t assume the outcome before your done communicating. Invest in the best outcome, not just the one you want.
PSS. If learned and implemented properly, good communication will unlock your wildest dreams.